Sounds like a song, right? Well, it isn’t.

Tenth grade, or as my neurons affectionately call it, their catastrophic demise, requires more brainpower than the power carried by a 132 kV transmission wire. These days, I turn more to my parents than to my own brain for support (nothing wrong with that, they’re much smarter than me). Plus, they give excellent morale-boosting pep talks that I desperately need, as the various textbooks that form the bulk of tenth grade are making my brain go haywire as I’m trying to connect the dots.

These days, at school, I feel like a car that’s running more on fumes than on oil. I am still running on the positive impression that I made on my teachers back in the days when things were easier, in seventh, eighth and ninth grades, but there’s no new innovation happening anymore. The problem lies in the fact that I, as a person, haven’t changed, but my grade has (ninth to tenth). My brain is still trying to comprehend why my ninth grade strategies aren’t working as effectively as they used to.

All I can say is, these days, my parents are trying hard to give my utterly passive personality an active plan of action to work upon. They are wholeheartedly immersing themselves into my books to see where they can make things easier for me. I never even tried doing this for myself. I have no clue about the toll that college is going to take on me. Every other day, my dad schedules tests and my mom encourages me to read over the syllabus for the upcoming exam. Yet, with so much support, I’m getting nowhere. And I’m not new. There are thousands of kids who have gone through an even more rigorous curriculum, worked harder than I have and have struck it big. Then why am I wallowing so much in self-pity? (Sighhhh…. Fine, I admit that I am a drama queen. But, I was always told that I lacked the emotion-controlling centres of the brain, the amygdala and the hippocampus.)

I’m not depressed at all, as a matter of fact, this is funny. I’m laughing that I-am-on-the-verge-of-insanity-laugh right now. I still love tuning into physics conversations with my dad at ten-thirty p.m. (even though I don’t know anything), but I just can’t bring myself to open that textbook and read! Why?!

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7 thoughts on “I Just Don’t Know Anymore

  1. Interesting!! At least you found my pep talks excellent, that is a sigh of relief. All of us have gone through this change and I completely understand how overwhelming it can be. The key is to keep laughing and make this an enjoyable memory. I hope that few years down the line this blog post brings back a smile due to the realization, that how naive you were and coping up with the change was not so difficult after all. Make friends, have fun and enjoy this learning period, and your next blog will be titled, “why am I not growing faster enough?”.

    With lots of love!!
    Dad

    Liked by 3 people

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